I Never Ever Asked for This

(21 July 2011)



What backwards talk you’ve caused in me

To begin this day with goodnight

And to drink my coffee at midnight

Because my eyes are open, dreaming

Who needed love or lust or hope?

To tangle this old cluttered road

So many words are left unspoken

And still I’ve spilled the beans

I will never forgive times cruel trick

That denied our heart from being one

The closest thing I have to your touch

Is the cool kiss of the wind



So tell e why you’ve offered this

This little chase could end in bliss

Which one of us is up for this

I’ve aimed and shot, you’re still a miss

I have to tell…or be remiss

No matter what you’ve given me

I never ever asked for this


A few dirty words sweeten the pot

Quickening our hearts

Nighttime visits surprised us both

A short blink embraced us

But to what end are we heading now

Sharing friendship and this trust

Some kind of comfort is availed

Hard I’ve sought and sought for peace

Always believed I’d know the time –

And with whom to share my heart

You’ve reached a goal; promised no more

Good company from the very start



So tell me why you’ve offered this

This little chase could end in bliss

Which one of us is up for this

I’ve aimed and shot, you’re still a miss

I have to tell…or be remiss

No matter what you’ve given me

I never ever asked for this


Who Knows

Ralph Castillo

c. 1985


We have been here once too often

I am quite sure you had it once

But then, who knows…You lost it


And though there’s little we can do now

I’d do much more, if I knew how


Can you think – maybe dream

What peace on earth might we have seen?


Tell me that you’ll be there for me, 

But for my answer, please don’t wait

Just see:  Joy for us was never meant to be


There’s not much hope in your sad eyes

Please don’t pretend to know our lives

Twelve hateful words condemned one day:

Lonely misery such must be the way


And while I want to say that we should talk,

Please do tell me if we ought…

There’s two completely different worlds that say we ought’n’naught


And if you really didn’t know…This is only me,

I wanted you to really want – and want no one but me

There doesn’t ever pass a day when I don’t think about you

And though it may not mean a lot to you:

I’m always watching


Now everyday’s that one same day

I still can’t sleep without you.

But when I do, be sure it’s true,

My dreams will spin about you.


silhouette of man during nighttime
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Dear Past Me

You’re going to worry a lot. And that’s normal. But don’t worry too much. The challenges are going to be huge, bigger than you can imagine…still don’t worry too much. Fear is going to grip you hard, and often. You don’t have to worry too much about this either.

You’re going to have timelines…but don’t impose them on yourself. Careers and jobs are both fine, they define what you do, not who you are. Educate yourself, technical course and University classes are important…because the more you learn the better you can handle certain tasks (in theory), but don’t forget to learn something new every day. Don’t be in a huge hurry to find love. Love will find you. When it’s not forced, it will be special…and hopefully for real. And don’t be in a hurry to grow up.

Believe that it’s normal and healthy to have fun.

boy child clouds kid
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Eternity Asks

Asks: More than you are ever prepared to give. When you begin to think that your beliefs will draw you toward some unseen, satisfaction.

And provide? Sure there are moments in which we do receive. We try to appreciate what mysteriously is provided. We often fail. Who’s to say that we will ever stamp wanting more. We are better off with nothing at all.

And speaks? Of course…thoughts to confuse us. The secret in unlocking what we hear is that it’s just music for the bears. We can listen to it, but we will never dance.

And shows? Everyday. We all walk with blinder’s on. The demonstration is that we are wanton gluttons for punishment. Pain doesn’t deter us, it encourages us.

And guides? We arrived before we knew we wanted to leave. Meandering seems pointless, but it points to us…eternally.

time lapse photo of stars on night
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A Common Element

Sophia stumbled as she ran down this dark corridor. She’d done this countless times in her dreams…but now, she didn’t know the way. Her hand seared in pain as a sharp edge dug deep into her flesh. Terror reached up from her gut into her throat and she stopped to find her breath.

A gust of air brushed her neck and shoulder. Sudden hope returned air to her body. Tired feet found energy, and she pushed on. A presence made itself known to Sophia. She had known the pursuer followed, yet not known how close.

Cold water sloshed under her feet, she stumbled again as she wasted energy thinking about her destination. The simple answer was safety, and she knew it was close. Closer than the presence? No way to know.

Blood and drums pounded in her head. Never had she imagined that fear could taste so strong that she would forget everything she’d learned in this life. Wake up! She screamed at herself, in her head. But as darkness became even blacker, she knew that it was too late for that.

brown tunnel near body of water
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My Freezing Heart

Completely out – nothing to say

A fine idea, you and I 

Only if you dreamed this way


When we should have been even more 

You pulled the reins in on the note –

Hauled in the oars and made for shore


These eyes, no senses, feast today

You’ve left me room for no other

Do not know who’d choose that fray


If I could chose to pierce your heart

Such fiery jolt would be coming

To stave away these days apart


Precious and tender, few glances at me

What was verily offered in such?

Still fate saw it fit to grant those of thee


My words lose their voice, faltered will

Share your warmth sweet affectation

Bring back moonlight; my darkness, kill

27 March 2011


For a long time, I believed that what’s been published in Sci-Fi magazines and books was a spark for which science and man could strive. The minds of the renaissance and the authors of the turn of the century apparently believed. They stretched their imagination and showed their best work (they weren’t lazy folk, after all).

In my readings of Fantasy Literature, I fell in love with the ideas of mystic forces, fantastics creatures, strange new worlds, and the adventures that followed. The supposition followed that dragons could be just as real as ghosts, shaggy men in the mountains and creatures living in the bottom of the sea…maybe dragons were just forgotten.

How many of us love the stories of vampires…even before they were romanticized by pop culture movies and young adult novels? Same goes for those stories of werewolves, scientific constructs of men…or potions which bring out the very worst (or best) in all of us.

Let’s try to revive a spark to kindle people’s imagination.

adult art artist artistic
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My Home

The home in which we were raised is often not as appreciated until after we have left it. In some cases, such as my sister and her family, they get to return when they are old enough and wise enough to recognize that it’s the best decision at the time.

When you are old enough to put your own personal touch on the home…adding the comforts which suit you…it becomes your home. But it becomes a new home every time you do something special…a repaint, or rearrangement. And when you bring in new members…children or even pets – It’s a new home every time.  You learn to appreciate it, all over again.

There’s no feeling in the world quite like coming home. The sensations are all magnified the longer you stay away. But that comfort of home…something we all dream about. Screen Shot 2019-02-25 at 8.30.44 AM

My Boycott of the NFL continues…

So now, in the aftermath of celebrating the greatest show of athletic talent the US has, some of the Philadelphia players have decided that they will decline the white house’s celebratory invitation. Players who will not visit white house

Because they want to make another political statement? I just want to remind everybody that they are entertainers you have no more pull in our lives than the movie, tv or music industries to influence our thoughts. If that was the case, we would be looking at very poor role models in entertainers: men who kill their wives, abuse loving caring pet dogs, engage in high risk relations, drink and drive, abuse drugs and gamble. I am not judging, everybody has their faults. But I submit that everybody knows somebody in their personal lives with issues. Why should we condemn celebrities anymore…they are not our heroes…not our role models.

The fact is that making political statements while you are in organization’s uniform and being paid…makes you a spokesperson for that organization. I say again, you are being paid…so as a professional, don’t bring your personal beliefs into the workplace. Imagine how the average Jane/Joe would be received if she/he walked into the office and ranted and raved about how everything was wrong and how terrible the president is…and just created a distraction…maybe even worse. What is the likelihood that his employers are not going to remind him to keep his opinions to himself. While the NFL players are on the field, and being paid…it’s the same situation.

The NFL commissioner and team owners state that the players have a constitutional right to express themselves. But they believe the public is deluded when deny that they have any power to change the behavior of their players. We are intelligent, informed and living well compared to many areas of the world. And Americans and not taking the time or making the effort to inform ourselves without relying on social media or scandalous news stories is lazy. I immediately went online and looked at the NFL constitution bylaws and researched if the owners and commissioner are in fact powerless. I won’t give you all the details…but they aren’t powerless. NFL Bylaws

The behavior of the players can be used to determine hiring, suspensions and so on, if it is determined to be unflattering behavior. And how much worse can the behavior get? That attitude is the reason I chose to find entertainment other than the NFL.

I served under five presidents and though I didn’t always agree with their policies and ideologies, I remained professional and did my duty. Now, I recognize that most of what they did during the terms in office was their idea of the best for our great country. As an afterthought, we have a system of checks and balances in place. Their is only so much any president can do without the congressional support. That conversation is for another time.

In service for the USA, one has to believe that the military services am fight for the security and defense of best place on Earth…otherwise there is not reason to fight. Why would we want to risk our lives for anything but the best? Our flag drapes over the caskets of our fallen service members and if you’d ever seen a formation of fallen US Service members with the seas of stars and stripes…you would raise your chin high and breath deeply for our brothers and sisters in arms and for their sacrifice.  That is the reason it flies everyday at my home.

For everybody else…find another way to protest the issues that our country is facing. I will recognize your concerns for all groups and actually listen to your points. Thank you for taking the time to listen, to my points.

God bless America!